Welcome to another episode of "How to Piss Off Everyone 101." Today's lesson: the ideological shitshow in our schools. It's like watching a bunch of drunk toddlers try to perform brain surgery - hilarious, but you know someone's gonna die.

These days, classrooms - from grade school to university campuses - are pushing more agendas than a politician at a fundraiser. We've got teachers treating the Constitution like it's optional reading and history books that make America look worse than a bad hair day at a wind farm.

You know what's really wild? We're letting the same people who can't decide if math is racist teach our kids about complex social issues. It's like asking a vegan to judge a barbecue contest - you're gonna get some skewed results.

Here's a thought: how about we focus on reading, writing, and arithmetic instead of turning every class into a mini UN summit? Call me old-fashioned, but I thought school was for learning facts, not feelings.

And let's not forget about those fancy new curriculums that treat traditional values like they're more outdated than flip phones. News flash: just because something's old doesn't mean it's wrong. Otherwise, we'd all be ditching grandma at the nearest bingo hall.

Speaking of things that never go out of style, let's quench our thirst for some good old-fashioned common sense with a new Freedom2o label:

"No Indoctrination Added"

Bottoms up, patriots. Stay hydrated, stay based, and remember - the only thing we want indoctrinating our kids is a love for this great nation. And maybe the periodic table, because science is still cool, right?